7 years

 Hi there,

Its been 7 years since I last wrote something in this blog and somehow I'm still here rereading all my old posts for some clues of which I have yet to disclose in a way?

Anyways, its 2:31am and I can't sleep. I've taken melatonin pill but looks like it doesn't do shit and so here I am writing for idk I just feel like writing in this blog.

Update, I still write poems and I can say actively but I just dont post it here because its really depressing. What has happened in 7 years? A lot, some were good, some well can I say most of the times it wasn't. But Im still here surviving the day.

Currently an executive, or should I what I usually say to other people which is a corporate slave in communications. Work wise, love what I am doing but still have yet to love the working environment I have been in. Probably I'm just not stable enough to you know deal with it but again Im still here.

Still a smoker, just more into other things that are bad for my body in a borderline appropriate but it's good I'm self aware about it.

Okay now I feel like letting everything out but I don't think this is a good platform so till next time.

Ash,

Is there?

Is there an end to this feelings of not knowing what is wrong?

Let me know so I could be optimistic again.

Dont leave me so I could be happy again.

Cus its been years.

I wonder

I wonder how it feels to be happy,
I forget how it feels,
Someone help me feel it again.

I can laugh be happy,
But not happy throughout the day,
Someone help me with my day.

2015

All I wish is to be happy cus 2014 is a shit loads of sadness. With my new study I mean my degree, I wish I'll find more new friends and maybe bestfriend or girlfriend. LOL

Who am I? Some handsome dude can just smack girl's butt and get the girl attached? LOLOLOL

I'm hoping that I could get greatest grades throughout my degree and also I'm gonna stop looking for one thing but instead to look for million things.

Such as friends to hangout. Also I would love to eat healthy and get some fat down. LOL

I WILL. InsyaAllah

P/S : I swear this is not a resolutions and shit, maybe it is.. IDONTKNOWSKLDNAKL

Sleep sleep

Sleep sleep,
Sleep with your pains,
Sleep sleep,
Sleep your pains away,
Sleep sleep,
I sleep with my pains,
Sleep sleep,
Pains won't go away,
Sleep sleep,
To wake up with pain,
Sleep sleep,
To end tonight's pain.

Hurt

It hurts to just feeling the hurts Im feeling. Youre hurting because youre in hurts.

Thoughts were Gone

I'm on a family vacation, with all the problems I have I decided to think this vacation is a "time" for me to really rethink. everything. I thought this vacation worked perfectly well because my anxiety lessen and I can actually sleep.

Then one night, it hits me. I was bothered with the overthinking while I freaking sleep. I was asleep and then my brain just like hit me with these burdens that made me hardly to sleep well.

I then told myself. Getaways isnt the shit. I can never run away from it.